wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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