Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
