I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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