the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
