Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
