the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
