Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
