actually, I'm a sock model
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
