In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
someone owes me an orgasm
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
