It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
