I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
