i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
