you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
