just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
