I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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