Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
