If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
