I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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