I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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