My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
