I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
