I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
