I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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