i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
only you would photoshop your dick
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
