cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
