just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
