you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
