haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
