Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
