so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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