so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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