i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
