Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
