What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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