fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
