Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
