The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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