Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
