just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
