sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
