??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
