Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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