her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
