I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
