I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
