he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
