i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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