i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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