i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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