If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
