So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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