My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
