nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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