____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
